Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
