A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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