remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
