i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
