She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
you inspire me to be a worse person
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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