Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
