dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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