he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
