I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
