the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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