Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
