I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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