I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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