the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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