All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
