there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
