I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
