oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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