A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
