Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
