her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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