I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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