I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
me + whiskey = a bad person
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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