it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
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