Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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