Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You left your phone here
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