you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
