Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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