we're chasing vodka with high fives
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
