The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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