i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
