the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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