Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
