my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
