dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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