there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
