u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
