I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
