No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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