he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
