someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
