my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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