Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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