found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
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