i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
