so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
