If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
