cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
