Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
