Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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