Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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